Second Chances

Imagine you knew someone. You knew all about them, after all you trusted them and believed they were always themselves. Now imagine that all changes. Imagine that person shows up and tells you, “I haven’t been completely myself. I was too scared.” For half of 2011, that was my life. I faced the reality that I wasn’t all I set out to be. I was selfishly addicted to ‘looking good,’ often keeping people close to me to reaffirm that point. Was I a complete jerk, I like to think not. However, was I completely me, I struggle to say I was.

As time goes on you begin to see those who truly stick by you through thick and thin. Those who are courageous enough to say “Yea that was pretty low of you, but hey none of us are perfect, I still got your back.” Not only that, some even take the courage to even begin believing you again and embracing the ‘new you.’ Well I want to say Thank You. All of you who have chosen to stick by my side despite my ‘facaded’ (is that even a word?) past, you can’t imagine the respect I have for you.

While I’ve been putting it all on the line recently, I can honestly say the journey would be a hell of a lot harder without you on my team. There are many of you who have continued to support, and even more who have begun your support, and I want to really thank you all. This isn’t an easy path to be on, but I know it’s worth it.

There are a certain few I want to thank personally. First of all my mom, dad, and sister. You have been my rocks through anything and everything. Even when you highly doubted some of my choices, you always stood there (and continue to stand) to catch me if I fall. Words really can’t express how much that means to me. Secondly I want to thank my best friend George. George you were one of the few that seemed to see something inside of me even when I had no idea what it was. Despite all the changes, and all the truths, you have never skipped a beat in believing in me. Your friendship means more than you will ever imagine.

To all mentioned above, mentors, and to all of you on Facebook and Twitter who always have my back, believe in my mission, and even take the time to give me that short boost of confidence before a big meeting or nerve-wracking speech, this song’s for you!

And well a final msg to the one person who I hurt the most throughout this all…
What I did to you is inexcusable, pathetic, and unfair. I learned my lesson. When I first apologized to you it meant nothing because my words meant nothing. I worked hard to build back my word to give you something I wanted you to have for all you put up with me when I was a jerk in our relationship… A genuine apology. Because I knew once you found forgiveness, you’d find more than you bargained for. You’d find what it means to unconditionally love. Something you helped me understand last year, and something for a while I’ve been wanting to show you. But it seems there’s no point. You have chosen to block me out of your life and ignore the fact that I would give my life for what you did for me. I’m now realizing a gift means nothing if it isn’t willing to be received. Lesson learned. Whenever you are ready to accept it, please know I’m sorry and I love you. Always. For now, I just gotta let it go.