A Lesson In Integrity

I am about to share with you what will be the hardest post I’ve ever had to write. It is a post that makes me feel extremely vulnerable. I’m sharing it because I realize it is an important part in fulfilling my purpose of empowering communication.

The intention of this post is simple, if you’re trying to prove a point, pick on yourself. Although unique in our own way we’ve all lived through similar struggles, and the best example to use for others to learn from, is yourself as a case study. I understand the risk of opening up about this can cause others to judge me; however, I write this with confidence that people will understand who I was isn’t who I am today. We can all change our ways and live up the potential we all hold. As a friend once told me “Every moment is a chance to turn it all around.” I’ve been through that moment, and made my choice.

For many years I’ve lived with very little integrity. (Best definition of ‘integrity’ I feel from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is Integrity is conforming reality to your words.) I’ve talked a lot of talked, but at many periods failed to walk that talk. Now there are many things I’ve accomplished I am proud of like pilot’s license and honours in aerospace engineering, the difference was that in those cases I was pushed. I was held accountable. Where I’ve struggled with is my lack of personal integrity for myself. When you lack integrity, things break… just like the cable above.

There were many times where I would say I would meet someone at a certain time and then show up late purposely or ‘uncaringly’. Almost as if I had to prove I was better than them (see the ego in this all). On another hand I would have something arranged and then feel so burdened by my need to be right in the conversation (my ego) that I would cancel the meeting the morning of. I was playing life so small, I guess you can say I was scared of conforming reality to my words. You may know the feeling.. what if I was wrong? What if the person didn’t think what I was saying was right? What if I couldn’t live up to my promise all the time? It’s this question that triggered me to make the worst decisions at the time, but best decision in terms of learning: that if I’m too scared to live up to my word… then I should just not commit to anything.  One of the most embarrassing examples of this is when I told an ex-girlfriend that we would schedule things, but if something came up I would have to change it. Talk about lack of commitment and lack of respect. It’s no wonder why the relationship didn’t work, as well as many other aspects of my life like bringing my ideas to life. They broke because I was out of integrity, with myself and others.

So I could harp on the past and feel sorry for myself, or I could learn from this all and transform my way of being. I chose the latter. I truly believe everything that has happened to us in the past is a lesson just waiting to be learned from. However, it’s up to US to learn from them. WE must take the initiative. WE must put it all together.

I learned that for my life to work I had to work with complete integrity. I had to conform reality to my words and do so in a way that made everything in my life work. Here’s some of the steps I’ve taken to build back my integrity:

1) Be cautious when making commitments – A lot of us have a hard time saying ‘No’. We say yes and then don’t deliver our best results because we weren’t open and honest about our situation in the first place. If you can’t do something because of money issues, own up to it. If you can’t because you’re not passionate, own up to it as well. Saying no to a commitment in an empowering way actually respects the other person more since it builds trust with them that you only take on commitments where the other person can fully rely on you.

2) Plan your work, work your plan – My calendar has become like my ‘Bible.’ I do whatever it takes to make everything work. I schedule reminders in my callendars, appointments, etc. I plan out my days as best I can and work the plan. Am I perfect at it, heck no. I still struggle with it, but am learning each and every time how to make it work better for me. Remember to conform reality to your words you need to understand reality and the constraints it has (time, travel, etc.). Schedule buffers in your schedule, times to eat, etc.

3) Own up to your word – This is probably the most important point of all 3. If you break a commitment or your word, please please don’t make excuses. It happens. We’re human, not perfect. Just own up to it and clean it up. Here’s the lingo “I’m sorry for not doing _______ as I promised. I understand me failing to do it doesn’t make things work as you and I planned. Just so you know I’m going to do _________ to fix it up and I’m committed to working on ___________ to prevent it from happening again.” See how easy that is! I used to fight to be right about why I made things unworkable. There is no right or wrong, breaking your word just doesn’t working in creating new possibilities. Keep in mind if you keep breaking your word and try to keep apologizing that doesn’t work either. People will begin to lose trust in you because you said you’re going to work on it in the future, and well you keep breaking your word to that statement. Ask for help when needed when it comes to finding ways to prevent it or even fixing it. That’s where true creativity lies.

This is a very important topic and I hope to write an e-book (or even book book) on it in the future once I gain more experience, knowledge and understanding.